01/27

Today:
-Wet to chiropractor. He actually released my neck this time, but it idn’t make me feel really, really good. Just sort of better. I have been dreaming of the deep relaxation and feeling good that has happened before after an adjustment, but didn’t today. In fact, I feel rather empty. However, I feel really glad to have not cried today, and I only got very sad once. That’s compared to crying most of yesterday from the pain and how it made me unable to deal with normal situations in life (interrupting phone calls, missing some TV programs…)
-I’vebeen working on rolling my shoulders bac, I hpe that soon it becomes an unconscious behavior and my shoulders sit at their normal spots. I also have been trying to make desks and chairs and things more ergonomicsbut being rather petite, this is hard for me.
-I have been reading the Snellen chart off and on, after yawning just now I cleared the 7 line, then the 4 line. So I am reading 2/4 in reasonably bright artificial light. Now, I need to improve thquality of the reading, or at least read 4 more consistently. the double vision is quite bothersome, so I should start doing eyepatch swings again. I do draw with eyepatch, of course.
-I do a heated eye bag before I go to sleep. I heat it up, put it on my eyes while lying in bed, and just relax and look at the black. If my mind wanders, I tell myself to start over. After awhile, I take it off my eyes and go to sleep. The whole purpose of this is to relax my eyes before I go to sleep, so that I can wake up with more refreshed eyes. I don’t know how well that has been working. Palming can be tough for me because of my shoulders.
-I did about 15 minutes of yoga. It was pretty nice. I think if I’d done it longer I would have released more, but that’s all right. I will do it again soon.
-Today has been WOG. I did homework, went to the chiropractor’s, and went to class WOG. There were some things in class I couldn’t see, and I noticed it was getting blurrier near the end (losing interest in the topic, maybe/) But I could clear it okay. I feel like I see a lot more than I’m supposed to given what my supposed prescription is. My roommate and I stood back from her computer and she noted some things on it she couldn’tread, and and I said, “well, I can read that.” She said, “well, you’re less blind than me” and I said, “No, that can’t be” (as I’ve asked her before she is between -2 and -3, whereas I’m almost -8). She then asked if I was farsighted. That’s not it either, it’s just that things that I’m accustomed t, i can clear okay, and especially outside. So really my prescription means a lot less than it used to.
I may put on glasses tonight, so that I can work more easily (my desire to program goes down with no glasses. It’s one thing to play on my computer or write in my blog, but really having to discern whether I’ve missed a semicolon and that’s my program won’t compile? that’s a bit tougher.)

I came out of a stairwell, and a friend of mine was sitting nearby, but I didn’t recognize him. He said hello, seeing me instantly. I made a confused sound. He laughed, said I was blind without my glasses, and I should get contacts. I told him I couldn’t because my eyes change so rapidly, and I kept around like 8 pairs of glasses, but I couldn’t do that with contacts. There were some jokes made about bifocals, octofocals, and things like that. It really annoys me that he says that I’m blind without them. I am not blind, I just have blurrier vision especially when it’s darker (inside a poorly lit building in the late afternoon)./

Desires:
-Getting a nice relaxing night of sleep. I’ve put on extra pillow on my bed, hope that it will reduce the neck pain I experience in the morning.
-Cheer up, keep a positive attitude. I’ve been really depressed lately. Maybe some running or something tomorrow will help with that. I have racquetball on Thursday, swimming on Saturday.
-being more organized. This is just to reduce stress and be relaxed about every taks that needs doing. I’m employing the Getting Things Done method, and hoping that that will help meget things done in a more timely manner so that I have more time to relax, and that I am more relaxed while doing work. We’ll see about this, I am just now taking baby steps.
-neck stretches
-Snellen chart as needed, palming or eye bag as needed.

01/12

Yesterday involved me going WOG the whole day. It was disappointing. I became sad and angry that I couldn’t see the board well enough to follow in lcass I could feel my stress level rising despite the fact that yesterday wasn’t really a hard day of school. I can feel it nowadays, the fact that I am so stressed all the time, for seemingly nothing at all. I can have a reasonable level of achievable relaxation sometimes, but I want to lift my normal level a little bit higher. I can practice consciously throughout the day to relax, but it can be hard if there is something else on my mind. Even during purposely relaxing time (say palming in the morning), if I have too much on mind, I can’t relax that much or easily. Anyway, I still hope to get my achievable level u (flashing Snellen chart at 20/20 in normal artificial lighting would be a good notice of this). I also want to make sure Im not trying to relax as that would defeat the purpose. I felt like I was trying to do that yesterday and it was making me more annoyed and therefore even less relaxed.

I went to the chiropractic yesterday, and it seemed my shoulders were pretty tight. I was hoping that everything would be relaxed since I’d been doing yoga at times, but I guess I haven’t done it enough or well enough. Anyway, I will continue with yoga and I’ve lessened my chiropractic appointments down to once a week so I hope that that will help me. I need to help my shoulders and neck not get so hunched up, causing me problems. I think my palming posture might also contribute to this, sadly.

I want to go about my life with a relaxed mind, relaxed body. That’s really what this is all about. Bates Method is great, sure, but if you can find any way of really relaxing totally, then your vision will improve. And I feel I need to focus on that more, and not Bates Method alone. That’s why I go to to the chiropractor, and try yoga, and the reason for palming is merely to relax. I needn’t focus on my eyesight while doing this all the time. Probably some of the time I do, otherwise I think I might relax the rest of my body while still straining my eyes. It’s strange to me, because I see yoga instructors and Alexander technique people who wear glasses and I think that they shouldn’t have to, if they are doing these things. How do I extend the idea of relaxing my body and mind to necessarily relax my eye muscles?

01/11

Yesterday I only wore glasses when I was trying to get my bags, as they had messed up, everything was late, and I was confused because I couldn’t find my bags. Other than that, I navigated the airport WOG, rode in the car and bus WOG. Car was fun, as it was daytime and I played a game with my sisters of looking at far away signs and readint them if we could. I think this is good to do to practice getting a sense of direction and distance, both of which I lack. No wonder I can’t find places easily and am always getting lost, it’s because I don’t check out the area to have a memory of it. If I’m travelling I will try to do this more. it’s a fun game, and good for me too.
Today so far has been WOG. Mind you I went to class–a lecture WOG. At first I wasn’t having too much trouble with the board, but later I was having a harder time following. I wasn’t sure what to do because at this point, the glasses cause me pain–I noted this when I put them on last night. It may be because things got more difficult in class, or I got bored or confused. The way I see to combat this is to read beforehand so that I can know the information and be able to stay engaged. I hope to get to the point when I can read the board without trouble, and to do it pretty quickly.
In my world, it seems to go this way: 1: be able to read in sunlight WOG, 2: be able to use a computer WOG, 3: be able to read in artificial light WOG, 4: be able to read the board from the first row WOG.
The last thing can vary wildly depending on the light in the room, whether there are any windows, how far the first row actually is from the board. So can the other things, but they give me a little bit more slack in how far away something is. Next step is what, perhaps moving farther back from all of these.

I have a chiropractor’s appointment today. I wonder if he will note any difference in my spine and neck as compared to one month ago, the last time I went. I have been doing yoga, but I think it can be hard to not have a professional of any sort guiding you. I like the Internet, but sometimes you want something more hands-on. I have been asking the doctor about Alexander Technique so he might have found some things out for me. Soon, I hope to wean myself off the chiropractor entirely. It’s a pretty unnatural thing to be doing ona regular basis., unlike yoga or perhaps Alexander Technique.
My neck still hurts often. I have gotten a sense of relief sometimes, like sometimes after doing yoga, but this isn’t very often. this leads me to believe that my work in healing my neck problems isn’t going as well as I would like. Or it may mean that I’m in healing mode, I can’t even remember how it felt before the chiropractic treatments and things. It is hard to judge this.

Stupidly, I put o n eye makeup today. First day of school, wanted to look nice. My left eye got all itchy and iI couldn’t itch it for fear of getting more stuff in there. I found it really annoying, although it is probably good to touch your eye as little as possible. I’ve definitely gotten a lot better at that–I sued to scratch and rub my eyes all the time, and I’ve really reduced that. That makes me happy.

I’ve noticed that my eyes look a lot brighter, maybe, or larger. Maybe it is not a noticeable thing but I’m going to take some pictures and compare old photos to new ones sometime soon.

I am going to need to step down the amount of time I do Snellen chart, palming, etc, with school. I think it is a matter of diong them more intelligently, so that I can get the most out of it (such as taking breaks from studying to palm for 5 minutes, instead of doing 20 minutes’ worth). I think the most important thing is to just learn how to go WOG as much as possible, and to relax in my daily life. I have yoga, and I just need to keep conscious of my postures and stress level through out the day and learn how to release it if I get attacked.

This has been very stream of consciousness as i try to account for everything that hits my mind. We’ll see how things go.

chiropractor vs yoga

Sorry not to be around for awhile. Winter break is turning out to be more stressful than I thought it would, especially in keeping my diet (which has failed, and I don’t know if I want to try much harder). It has also made me question my ability to continue doing Bates method, because I’m so stressed. I hope that I will be able to, but I might need to take a break now and again to “settle” myself. I haven’t been reading my Snellen lately, and haven’t been palming.
Anyway, I got this letter from my chiropractor:

Some time ago, I suggested that if you ever have a question, you should feel free to ask me. Quite a few of my patients have taken me up on my offer and the most frequently asked question I get is:

“Doctor, am I going to have this problem again?”

Naturally I’d like to say “no” to every last one of you. But quite frankly the truth is; without regular care and following my advice… it just isn’t so.

I have seen many people use chiropractic as if it were an aspirin. When they hurt, they make an appointment and get an adjustment. And, just like an aspirin, they get temporary relief for the pain. As soon as they feel better, they no longer come into the office. However, the pain returns. This means the underlying problem has not been corrected.

I am not saying that this is your situation. But quite honestly, I would consider it a needless shame to let your body slip back into disrepair. The program that I have laid out for you is the same as one I would recommend for any member of my own family under similar conditions. Let’s keep working on your long term health.

Hm, this makes me suspicious. I don’t want to continue doing chiropractic care indefinitely, and this starts to sound as if he is recommending it (I also asked and he said that I should, after being healed, come back once a month). I have no desire to keep doing chiropractic care past what is necessary. Once or twice a year, I could see, but once a month is ridiculous. Here’s another thing (gotten from clarknight on the iblindness forums)

Another chiropractor told me that continual adjustments can eventually wear down the cartiliage and that makes it easy for the vertabrae to slip out more often, causing addiction to neck adjustments by chiropractor.

So I’m slightly sickened by this, and I start to feel as though I’m being swindled by the chiropractor. I’m trying to take up yoga.
I got a DVD (said it was for beginners) and brought it back to my house. Tried it yesterday, but it didn’t go very well–I wasn’t wearing my glasses. I tried it again today, watching with glasses, so it went slightly better, ha! It’s quite difficult! And I feel like I don’t like yoga much, but as if I haven’t much of a choice. I am doing the poses to the best of my ability, but can’t always breathe in the correct manner. I haven’t yet finished the video, because I went through the first part again.

What I like about yoga (vs the chiropractor):
-my own responsibility to do this and improve my body myself
-it’s a whole body workout
-positions like plank help to increase strength in my upper body, possibly could get an abdominal workout from it as well. Improved strength in my abs and shoulders and back will help me stand and sit up straighter with less effort.

Unlike chiropracty, it’s not an instant relief (and because it’s so difficult, I’ve not felt any stress relief yet!). But I hope to get better at it. I’m also doing the stretches that the doctor gave me, and I can really feel those. I like some of them, too. However, my right shoulder is hurting a lot right now, as are my calves. I hope that it’s due to the stretching and it’s some sort of release and/or strengthening.

I wonder if I should go to a physical therapist, and whether it’s covered by my insurance the way chiropracty is.
I don’t know how to tell when my neck is perfectly fixed. I don’t know what to do.

I Scare Vegetarians (and most normal people)

I made lamb bone broth and baked some lamb liver in it. It was really good, until it got cold. I can’t stand liver to be cold (or mushy, which is why I hate pate). But there was this one guy who kept asking what we had, and I told him (we also had some turkey broth around) and he made all these disgusted faces. We also had borrowed a baking pan, which belonged to a girl who was a vegetarian. She asked what we made and I told her, proudly. Her response? “That’s…nice”.
So it’s pretty funny to me. Yum, liver. The lamb liver is excellent, much better than the pig’s liver .
Also, I went to the chiropractor today, he gave me some exercises to do to help stretch my neck and back. And also he taught me how to stand up after sitting in the proper way. Yay! I’ll have to do those after break. When he cracked my neck, I could feel my face flush, I think my sinuses might have pressure in them from being sick (getting healthier, I hope…). So hopefully that will release my eye a bit.

Tired of the current life

Ah, I went to the chiropractor on Tuesday and will be going again today. I’m sort of bored of going; it’s rather a hassle. My neck has actually been starting to hurt more frequently lately, perhaps a healing pain? I use my eyebag on my neck sometimes if it hurts, which feels pretty good. Anyway, he told me that we’re not taking another X-ray until I’ve completed 24 appointments and I thought, “Wait, he told me I didn’t need a full 24…” I though I only needed 12! Oh well, I get a month break from it after this because I’m going home for Christmas, and then after that, I might feel a little better about going all the time. I wonder if I could actually speed up the number of appointments by doing three a week instead of two…I know, you can’t rush things, but it’s just such a hassle.
I’m also tired of these current -4.5 lenses I’m wearing. I was trying to read a book earlier and I just thought, “These are way too strong for reading with!” They’re reasonable for computer use, but even with that–I’ve pushed this computer all the way out and I’m leaning all the way back. I’ve also shrunk the text as much as I could, but sometimes enlarge it because the shrinking messes up the resolution of the page.
I want to use the other glasses I have, but I’m afraid to until I know the correct prescription for them, and besides they are really ugly! They just don’t suit my face and fit poorly.
Actually, I want to give the -4.5s to my sister, she wears very strong lenses and I want to help her start getting out it. She got bored with doing eye exercises, though. But maybe I can convince her to do somethings, especially right before she falls asleep, or if she’s in bed because of a headache. And wearing lower prescrip will definitely help her. I think I might be ready to “graduate” from them, even if my actually refractive state isn’t as good as -4.5. We’ll have to see.
My life is changing, and the current situation I have isn’t keeping up as well as I’d like. I need to make changes.

Oh, by the way, I’ve been doing lots of palming lately along with the eyebag, and also I’ve been reading my Snellen chart in all sorts of different light, including at night when the only light I get is through the window at an angle from the street lamps. The chart is perfectly gray then! But I think doing in low light helps for when you do it in higher light.

Still Sick

I feel bad for not posting, but I’m still sick!  I have been trying to do some palming sometimes but not much else.  I notice that when I  keep my eyes closed for awhile, and focus on the back of my head, when I open my eyes things seem clearer.  I don’t know if it’s like water over my eyes or my eyes actually relaxing.

I went to the chiropractor today and he had a hard time releasing the tension in my neck.  It’s from being sick, everything hurts!  My shoulder still hurts right now too.

Last week I met a woman who knew about the Alexander technique, and she said she notices I hunch my shoulders and things like that, she helped me a bit.  So I’m trying to keep my shoulders low and things like that.

I’ve been using a neti pot to clear out my nose.  It’s the only thing that relieves my congestion and runny nose for any amount of time.  It just seems like there’s more and more mucus in there and I can’t clear it all out.  I think the neti pot is also good for clearer vision, because it flushes out bacteria and allergens which could cause itchy, red, swollen eyes and cleans the tear ducts.  I think it will be useful  during the spring time when my allergies start surfacing.

I will hopefully get back to doing Bates Methods things soon.  Being sick is horrible!

Today’s News

Today: Snellen (sort of), chiropractor’s, nap, liver

Let’s see, I did a tiny bit of Snellen work, but not in a good way.  I wore my reduced -4.5 glasses, stood about 5 feet away from the chart.  I could read through to the 15 line without making a mistake, although it got tricky and was a bit blurry.  So 5/10 seems to be the limit at the moment, 5/15 at tops.  This is not the point of the Snellen practice, though, but I tried to relax, swing, and centralize.  I don’t think glasses will allow me to do this properly.  It’s pretty late right now, but I will try to do some in the morning.

Had a chiropractor’s appointment today again.  I told him that I was having some headaches, more frequently than I’m accustomed to having them.  He said it was some sort of muscle spasm and I took from that that it seemed to be some sort of adjustment since my body isn’t used to being aligned this way.  He said use moist heat and to keep him updated if the headaches really started to bother me–keep track of the frequency and duration and intensity.  Probably a hot shower will help if they come around.

I napped today, too, for about an hour.  I was woken at 2:40 when my chiropractor’s appointment is at 3:00 so I was really worried about being late.  There might be a bus strike in my city so I wonder how I’m going to get to the appointments if something like that happens.

I was so exhausted this afternoon, because we had made lots of food things: walnut cookies, scrambled eggs, and I had strained my kefir.  We had therefore used a ton of plates and things, so I ended up having to wash most of that stuff and I just got tired walking back and forth to the room carrying different kitchen items.  Being a college student is troublesome for my cooking.  Maybe I should move to an apartment next semester.  But then, my kitchen would never get cleaned.  I’m a terrible slob, and I only clean the communal kitchen because there’s so many people that use it.

I ate liver today!  It was some leftover pig’s liver with some bacon.  Surprisingly, it didn’t go bad.  I had to figure out how to use my toaster oven.  I sold my microwave recently and obtained a free toaster oven.  I didn’t want to use a microwave oven anymore because I’d heard how high heat denatures and destroys nutrients in food.  So for like “normal” food it’s okay to use a microwave, but for my special super nutritious liver I’d never do that.  Sitting around for 20 minutes until it got hot wasn’t fun, but that’s fine.  That was only done because the toaster oven is pretty old and dirty and we heard some popping and saw some smoke coming out of it so we had to fix it up to make sure it worked right.  I won’t have to do that everytime!

I really should eat more liver or at least start taking cod liver oil again (I ran out).  Maybe I’ll order some, but I’m travelling a lot because of the Thanksgiving and winter break so I’ll not be in the dorm–it’s all tricksy.   I think I can get liver over the winter break because my mom will get me it.  I’m not sure she’ll prepare it the ways I want though, and might not approve of the way I’ll want to do it.  But I can’t eat liver if it’s too strong.  I can’t help it, I just get a gag reflex.  LIVER.

I’m sort of scared of going away to Thanksgiving break.  Leaving my glasses behind doesn’t seem so exciting right now.  I haven’t even packed

I want to talk about these spells of dizziness, unbalance, and falling I sometimes have but maybe I’ll leave that for another post.

LIVER is IMPORTANT.

Today’s Progress

Today: Snellen chart, chiropractor

Today I sat in front of my Snellen chart for awhile, just tried to relax, tried to focus on the back of my head, and did some intermittent palming.  My chart starts at 20/70 and I was about 5 feet away from it.  It was all blurry but sometimes it would just be this gray mass, whereas after palming I noticed the first 2-3 lines looking much blacker.  I could also see the W on the second line pretty well.  That line is weird, it says WV so perhaps it was a mix of the W and V I was seeing, but I kept thinking how weird it is that the second line is easier to see thn the first (which is just a G).  Possibly the way things were set up, that line was more in my line of vision, or maybe I just like the letter W better.  I kept thinking I saw the V as a ghost image falling off the line.  So I can’t see 5/70 quite yet, or relax my body and do enough Bates Method to get there.  I think I’m not good enough at relaxing my body yet.  I think palming is quite helpful to me, helps me get relaxed so maybe doing that for a longer amount of time will help me more.  I really loved sunning/strobing but with the weather outside (even if it’s sunny it’s just far too cold) it’s too hard.  Sunning always really got me relaxed.

I also went to the chiropractor’s today.  I wasn’t feeling badly beforehand and just a little sore afterwards.  I’ve got another appointment tomorrow before I run away to Thanksgiving break.  I hope that we’ll take another X-ray of my back and neck soon so I can see the difference it’s made.  I can feel the difference compared to the original feelings–my neck and shoulders just hurt so much all the time back then.  In just a few appointments, I’ve really loosened up.  It’s amazing

Today was kind of a bad day for me, I was in a bad mood.  It was raining, and one of my classes got really weird and everyone was so quiet and it gave me a bad feeling.  I was just in a bad mood today.  I felt better after going to my chiropractor, although my shoes and socks were soaked through.  Just the kind of place I associate good feelings too, although the cracking can be a bit scary.

That’s my day for today.  My life is a pretty good life