I read to 14/20, almost 14/15 today outside and it was somewhat cloudy.
I go running sometimes. If I am feeling good enough, and especially if I have a beloved friend along, my vision can clear a lot as I run. I don’t experience the same feeling when I go by myself, and I feel disappointed. I feel like I should be able to just get so sweaty, and tired, that my brain can only think of moving my body forward, looking where I’m going, thinking about the steps. In this sort of pseudo-meditation, I should be able to relax. I don’t know if I’m not running hard enough or far enough, but I don’t experience that.
Today, I didn’t run very much, due to my being a little disappointed and confused in how well I didn’t feel. I had an expectation of my vision clearing, I think, but I didn’t experience it. That confusion led to me just stopping. Yet I did better on the chart than I usually do, even on a sunny day (I generally nowadays can get to 15/30–about half).
I will continue my practice. Some days I’m happier than others. If I can put into words, or at least figure out the secret, removing all the outside factors, I know that I will be much happier. The happiness is inside me, but right now I need other people, totems even, to help me experience it.
