02/25

Today:
-Went to chiropractor, got some X-rays taken. In 2 weeks he’ll have them for me and we can go over them and I can see how much my neck health has improved. I think it’s really a lot because my neck doesn’t hurt as much anymore..
-I took some Mg today, which I haven’t been doing so much lately. It’s because my neck doesn’t hurt as much and I don’t feel so compelled to drink it. But the magnesium has other benefits, too, so I want to drink it every other day or so.
-Not much Snellen work or palming today, really. I did go to bed for about 20 minutes and focus on seeing black but without putting my hands on top.
-Have been noticing how breathing is so important in c clearing things.
-WOg? I wore some plus lenses for computer work for awhile (how does that work, anyway? And pinholes glasses for other times.

I have been waking up with headaches that I have not figured out the cause of yet. I may be coming down with a cold and these are the first symptoms, I took a Zucolso hopefully that will help. It may also be a result of allergies–my foods’ been stoeln so I haven’t been eating real well, lots of bread products which make me rather ill 😦

Desires:
-To do some abdominal exercises to help my posture
-Honestly, I have a lot of work this week ===giant math test! I want to go about doing all these things in the most relaxed manner possible, and this is my main goal this week (besides actually finishing the work and doing a good job on it!)

02/16

Lately I have been:
-doing Snellen work at times. I’m trying a different chart sometimes at about 5 feet away. I really wish I had the space to do Snellen work 20 feet away, but I’m not sure where to put it, I’d have to go to a public place (perhaps the lounge or a classroom?), and I wouldn’t be able to keep it up permanently. I do enjoy having it hanging at my desk because when I’m doing work I can take a break to look at it. I’ll post some results at some point, but I haven’t really been paying attention.
-I was using some glasses that were -3.50D, -3.25S (good step down from the -4.5/-4s I suppose). I switched to what I think are -2.25 or so. They’re pretty good for computer work, because it is not completely clear and I do have to pay attention to my vision habits. But I attempted to use them for classroom, at the board, and using them for distance vision was painful! (so were the -3.5/-3.25, actually). I sometimes experience pain when looking at a board without glasses, I think but I feel that this is less often and less painful. Not sure. I think because it is not really quite clear enough to see, I am not sure what really causes the trouble. I usually walk around without glasses and look at far away buildings and such without pain–it’s the blackboard or projector that troubles me, with these weak glasses.
-My eyes have been ridiculously sore today. Perhaps from wearing glasses. My prof was asking about how I’d gone back to glasses and I told him, I could only wear them for about 20 minutes and then it got too painful, and these glasses caused pain slower than other ones. I actually skipped my last class because I didn’t think my eyes would be able to handle it. I went home and palmed for 20 minutes, which helped with some of the pain, but not enough. I was feeling strange after 20 minutes so I had to stop.
This pain today has been really strange, it’s not sore like a muscle gets sore, but like when you’ve cut your skin and have a sore–that’s what it feels like. I haven’t any idea what’s causing it, I just know I started noticing it in my first class. My eyes are also very itchy.
-My legs are really sore too. I think over the weekend I was using my laptop and had to put my legs up at weird angles to get it, which is what I always do (yes, I know it is bad for you ). I think doing that caused my legs to get very painful, and it hasn’t gone away (of course, still using the laptop at weird angles). i used to be able to hold the laptop–I don’t know why I can’t anymore. I also had some strange pains where my bottom right ribs are. That seems to be on the skin, when I touch it is painful.
I took some magnesium but it didn’t seem to help my legs, and in fact didn’t improve too much anything else I don’t think. I’m not sure why. Usually it is the best thing ever. I will take some again soon and see what will happen.

Also, my lips have cracked open again. I had this trouble last year for so long, and it was so painful, and this winter I have managed to avoid it mostly. I’ve just had normal dry lips, nothing serious. I’m very sad about the lip cracking as it makes it top painful to yawn.

I got a waterpik, also, for my teeth, and like it quite a bit. I don’t know if it cleans better than floos (I was expecting all sorts of dirt and crumbs to come out, but it looks like clean water to me–maybe lots of bacteria in there). Hopefully the magnesium, iodine, and making sure to use the waterpik will help with my sometimes painful face problems Less face pain=less face strain, I hope.

Desires:
-Chiropractor appointment tomorrow, so hopefully he will release some stuff there. i think my neck is doing a lot better.
-Easing the sore in my eyes, perhaps my palming–whatever wokrs!
-Fixing leg pains
-chart work
-Organizational behavior–I’ve been slipping with this
-Oil pulling, taking my magnesium, iodine. It’s sort of a detox thing, I heard that it will detox heavy metals so that is what I am going for. I’m trying to add lots of magnesium to my diet also. Luckily it is delicious. 🙂

I also want to know where my double vision is coming from because I seem to have it even with one eye only.
I’m feeling very strangely right now, so I can’t think of the things I really want to do I wasnto normalize soon, even myself out because it’s been really strange lately. I haven’t been too consistent with my eye relaxations. But I do read the chart when it’s around (not really a wrong wayto do this, anything tht’s relaxaing and helps clear), and I usually don’t wear glasses, and when I do they are really weak. I need to get back into a sort of groove, I think, so that my posts are more consistent. thankfully I see the improvement I made already come back after slipping a bit, but it is pretty hard to keep doing these things when you’re so scattered. I think the main thing to my improvement was reading the chart, before that I didn’t experience any improvement despite all the palming, sunning that I did. So I need to be more consistent with that, and report back in a more coherent manner. This post isn’t really completed but I need to come back later with more to talk about, to complete my thoughts.

02/07

II’ve noticed a lowering of my vision lately, which i think is a result of not reading my Snellen chart lately. The reason I haven’t been reading is I’ve barely been in my room the past few days, and I keep falling asleep in other parts of my building. Usually I wake up, the chart is righ there, so I read it just for a few minutes. I work at my desk doing homework and when I get stuck, I start reading the chart again. I can read the 4 line from about 2.5 feet away in my good light or sun. Yesterday I did it for a few minutes and noticed that I had more trouble getting to the 4 line than I usually did. So, I definitely want to get back to reading my SNellen, in whatever way, even if it’s just for a few minutes each day. The key is to do it everyday.
I have been palming a little bit more, so that relaxes my eyes a little bit. They were very sore a little while ago, and palming helped ease that a little bit. I’d really like to have a long palming session sometime, but I don’t know if I could do four hours. Maybe one hour, but I need to clear my schedule to do this.
My neck got tight at one point yesterday, which I think is the result of the magnesium wearing off (or leaving my body). I do still need to learn proper posture, or at least get better at it, but it is much easier to do when you’re not in horrible pain. I think my swimming will help with that, developing musclesin a balanced way and reducing pressure on them. Probablyy yoga will help to.

So, completed : -swimming
-eye chart
-palmng

desires for today:
-yoga
-eye chart
-juggling

I note that I have been making ten thousand typos, some of which I fixed, but I have to put the screen close to my face to do that (i’m using a tiny 7 inch laptop.) The tiny keyboard causes me to have more typos and I just have the screen too far from my face. It is not a comfortable laptop to use! So I do apologize for my horrendous typos, I’m generally a good typist, and a good spller, but I do want to avoid putting the screen up to my face where I can get away with my bad habits. One hopes that I will learn to read the screen, of course, but the second trouble is being agile enough with the keyboard to actually fix my errors without making more. i hope to get back to using my other computer soon, and maybe some dau soon I can get a desktop. The bigest problem is not the tiny screen butt how I can’t keep it at eye level, and the keyboard at a comfortable level at the same time. I wish the screen had a bar that you could pull it up on, separating it from the keyboard.

Magnesium is Amazing

`I’vestarted taking magnesium in magnesium citrate powder, which I make into a hot tea. It doesn’t taste great, but I think it’s doing well, helping me. II had my friend check my neck yesterday and he was very surprised at how loose it was! Of course I just had a chiropractic adjustment on Tuesday so i may still be riding the effects of that. The real test will be how my neck feels on Sunday or Monday. But I have high hopes, and think it will be good. I don’t take calcium supplements to “cancel” the magnesium, but Ifeel like I had a biger problem with mag deficiency not cal. I think the amount of calcium you’re convinced you need is too great, or at least the importance of taking enough magnesium with it is not pointed out. Yesterday I aate yogurt with kefir and frozen strawberries and oney and cinnamon. So the yogurt/kefir will provide calcium, but a little bit of cinnamon lets it not get too strong. (How todescribe? I don’t want to say tey cancel out the effects…)
Anyway, I take the mag tea in the morning so I avoid calcium then to let it really use the most it can get, and then consume dairy at a later time. It would be nice if my bowles were looser, so I can definitely take a litle moreMg.
Despite the looseness I have, I don’t feel relaxed. It feels morelike I’m out of apin, but that’s not the same as being really relaxed. I think that’s where relaxation exercieses and meditation, yoga, come into play. You have to deal with body stress onseveral fronts
I’ve also been eting better, by which I mean more at home, and more to boot. Yesterday I had:\

-brekafast: eggs, magnesium tea
-lynch: a bagel (not from home, though)
-Dinner: hot dogs and mashed potatees from home 🙂 also I had my cinnamon yogurt mix for a snack.

I’m eating some junk foods, like brownies and cookies (usually with milk). I don’t enjoy it, it’s just like they’re there, so i eat them. I mean to say that I don’t really like the taste of the cookies or the brownies, and eat them only because they are in view. But thankfully I think we are almost out.

So it looks like some things are looking up. I am noticing my indoor vision is not doing as well, which I think requires me to go back and do some more Snellen reading soon. I have been palming more as well, although I do it sometimes. I’ve been pretty stressed out because I just have so much work to do that is difficultand I haven’t been approaching it in a relaxed manner. I am still thinking about organized behavior. It helps me a little, but I don’t use it well enough yet so keep my life in order as well I’d like.
We’ll see how I do with that.

02/02

I think I might be really stressed, very ill. I feel great strain in my shoulders, neck and my face, too. It’s really horrible. I cried from it, and just felt bad all day. I think glasses might numb the feelings a bit, I was WOG all day until I got home (wore pinhole glasses in class to see board). I’m not sure.
My desires:
-Getting more magnesium in my diet. I eat yogurt/kefir, usually with frozen berries, but I think I might start adding some honey and “cinnamon” (cassia), because cassia has some magnesium. I also want to go and get some magnesium capsules, or magnesium oil, and start taking that. Most foods with magnesium contain also calcium, and calcium cancels out the effects of magnesium. I need calcium, yes, but right now I need magnesium more. So while all my foods will have both (thinking about spinach, cinnamon yogurt, potato skins…) I will need to take a supplement also.
-With the magnesium, I will also start eating cilantro, and iodine. if there’s any toxins in my body then it’s necessary for me to rid them, and I think this is the best way.
-Exercise to relieve stress. I think running is good, sweating out everything scary in my body.
-Water, water, water! I’m always so thirsty, and I get so hot. I feel feverish sometimes. Lots of water will make me happy.
-I’m thinking about undergarment support. I may be having a problem as a result of this.

I think the pain behind my ears I sometimes have is Temporomandibular joint (jaw joint) pain. And I note sometimes how my face flushes after a chiropractic adjustment. So there’s definite face strain, and I wonder if I’m clenching or grinding my jaw in my sleep. I’ve asked my friend who said he’d never heard any grinding while I was sleeping. But I might be clenching.
I’m going to start wearing a scarf over my face so that it doesn’t get too cold.

I’m doing eye things, always. I’ve always got my eye bag, and generally go WOG, and wear reduced prescriptions, I do palming, swinging. I think it’s helped me realized a lot of the stress and pain I hold in my body. But I can’t keep my eye things in the forefront of my mind when all these things are bad, too. I can continue doing my eye things, but with too much to think about, it will become mechanical, and I know that giving it your fresh energy and imagination and delight is important too.

I believe that releasing my neck and face is crucial to having good vision, and even if I didn’t care and was okay with wearing glasses, I would still want to release it. Of course doing Bates has taught me about my sadnesses and other bad feelings.
I never have the foods I want, I always seem to be hungry, and that’s my biggest problem right now. I need that food to improve my sick body, the magnesium, the supplements, to clean out toxins from my body. I see my friend, who looks pretty healthy, and eats an average diet, and I tried to do the same (he doesn’t eat so much junk food but eats college campus food a lot), but I just felt horrible. I can’t do this. I need to make a radical effort to get all the foods I need, all the time. This is necessary.

I intend to get lots more food and supplements and especially work on doing things which will chelate heavy metals out of one’s body. I hope that I will feel better as a result of it. I need to see what happens and see what I will do.

January

Things I’ve done this month at least once: (By month I really mean since school started).
-Gone to chiropractor for neck/shoulder adjustments. I hope that next time I go he’ll be able to release it better.
-Yoga, stretching.
-Attempting to adjust posture.
-Reading my Snellen from 2 feet away, maybe once I did it at 10 feet.
-palming
-heated eyebag
-racquetball
-swimming
-Juggling

What I am really concerned about right now is my neck and shoulders. My roommate can’t understand why I do this to myself, never wearing glasses, and always being blind. (She thinks she’s blind, too, although her vision is only at about -2 or -3D But ti’s not really about my eyes anymore. It’s just a point of focus to know how I healthy I am, which at this point isn’t great, but I’m having some moments
One of my friends says he has really bad posture, but that he never feels any pain and wondered why. My only theory was that maybe he’d just become numb to it, whereas I had had chiropractic adjustments, massages and things and I could feel it all the time, I’ve become quite sensitive to my body. So he was happy because at least he didn’t feel pain. But I’ve read Atlas Shrugged,, and there’s some comment in there about the highest achievable level being zero. (so say the antagonist in the book). But the heroes of the story don’t believe that, they believe in being able to be happy and proud of yourself. Well, that’s a bit of a take off from the point of the book, but I’d rather be able to feel lows if it means being able to reach highs. And they come sometimes and are the most amazing thing to happen. There was a day where I really enjoyed music. There was a day (same day actually) where I just ran home, feeling as light as a bird. There was the day I was adjusted and my body felt like it was getting so much air, and that there was this thing inside my body, keeping me in the right shape and it felt so relaxing and good.
I seem to be having a harder time achieving that lately. January has been very stressful lately. Of course it has been snowy and frigid. Last few days we’ve been getting sun, but it’s still too cold and wet to really enjoy it all that much. Oh yes, the pure happiness and warmth that comes from sunning, too. I loved hat feeling. So I experience highs and weirdly enough even though I’ve been feeling bad lately (I think I cried every day last week), they’re not the lowest lows Ive ever had.

So now it is February, and I want to make some resolutions for the month. I’m starting over, I had a hard January, but I’m going to treat myself with compassion and start over.
Resolutions:
-Getting into organizational behavior. By this I mean keeping calendar, keeping Next Action Lists which actually have all I need to do on there. I’ve always been very messy, disorganized. I know it’s sort of a “right brain” quality,but it bothers me and makes my life more stressful. That’s bad. If I do GTD correctly as I can, I will help myself to having more time or at least being more relaxed when I do the work. So that’s good.
-I have been eating out WAY too much lately, and I hate it. I don’t even like the food. I did however make a chicken on Friday and that was snacking food until yesterday when I finished it, and that was really good. It wasn’t hard to make, either. Restaurants are supposed to be for special occasions, once a week at most, and that sounds a little excessive also. Every time I go to visit my one friend’s family they take me out to eat a lot. I think there was something like four times one week when I went to stay with them. I visited his cousins too and they took us out twice that day. I thought I was going to die. I’m sensitive to most food, so it’s no good. I bought some canned soup yesterday, and some various snack foods. Not the best, but at least I can manage my portions and it’s much cheaper. it’s so cold lately though that it makes it hard to go shopping. Taking the bus isn’t very much fun. I feel like I’m making myself angry just talking about this.
-Swimming more. Less pressure on my body when I’m in the water. I haven’t that much interest in swimming for stamina or anything, although I do the occasional lap or two (I can’t do more than two and a half laps in a single go, though, so hopefully that will be improved some day).

The food thing is really bothering me right now, mostly because I’m not sure what to do about it. What should I eat? What should I do? I should come up with a plan.